San Antonio, TX. May 2019.
In less than a month, all my friends and I would be graduating from high school and preparing to head off to college. Many of my closest friends were pursuing their baseball goals by signing to play in college.
Then, there was me.
Four months earlier in late January, I quit baseball - a sport that consumed my entire life since I was 3 years old.
I realized my dream of becoming an MLB player was gone - I now only played baseball to spend time with my friends and “fit in.” After I quit, I rarely saw my friends since they were still on the team.
At the same time I quit baseball, my parents filed for a divorce - something they discussed for as long as I can remember. Although separating was not a new idea, things became so tense at home that I had to move in with a close friend.
To make things even better - I still had no idea what college I wanted to go to - with less than a month left of school.
During the first half of 2019 - regardless of where I was physically - I was mentally gone. School, work, gym - I could have well been on a desert island.
At times, I felt like the only person on the planet - a feeling we have all felt at least once.
I felt like a complete loser and disappointment to my friends, my family, and worst - to myself.
I was at the lowest point in my life.
But - the great thing about hitting the bottom - is that there is nowhere else to go but up.
Right before I finished high school, I got an email. The email sender: The University of Arizona.
I didn't know anything about the school and hadn't visited it before - but I knew I wanted a fresh start.
And Arizona seemed like the perfect opportunity.
August 26th, 2023 - the day I began this article and exactly 4 years after my first class at the University of Arizona. August 26th, 2019 was the start of a chapter that forever changed me and my life.
While my college experience wasn't perfect - getting kicked out of my dorm freshman year due to COVID, going through “Zoom University,” and taking extra classes after changing my major - these challenges strengthened and motivated me to become my best version.
Best of all - the challenges and pain made the victories that much sweeter. During my 4 years at Arizona, I:
Graduated Summa Cum Laude with my Bachelor of Science (BS) in Management Information Systems (MIS)
Finished with a GPA of 3.97/4.00 - one B in undergrad (damn you accounting)
Earned Dean’s List with Distinction every semester and Highest Academic Distinction every year
Recognized as an Eller Centurion - Eller Centurions are distinguished graduating seniors who demonstrated excellence in academics, leadership, and service within Eller, the University of Arizona, and the Tucson community
Completed in 3 years at the age of 20
Graduated with my Master of Science (MS) in Management Information Systems (MIS)
Finished with a GPA of 3.82/4.00
Completed in 1 year at the age of 21
I’m not telling you the above accomplishments to flex - but to show you what is possible if you believe in yourself and put in the work.
To help you avoid similar mistakes and accelerate your self-development journey - I’ve summarized my diverse experiences and insights from the last 4 years into the 9 most critical lessons I’ve learned on this journey.
1. Ego is the Enemy
Imagine this:
You're at a party and someone starts talking about their amazing accomplishments, the countless places they’ve been to, and all the luxury items they have - constantly trying to one-up everyone else in the room.
We have all probably encountered this situation or seen someone like this - and if you haven’t - then you’re probably that person.
We can all agree that these situations and people are not very pleasant - we feel like we are talking to a robot that is just waiting for us to finish talking so they can once again prove why their life and achievements are better.
What about the people you know where the conversation flows naturally? The people who always seem to be in a good mood and that you can talk to for hours without feeling bored?
What qualities distinguish the annoying person at the party from the friend you can talk to about anything?
The annoying person is filled with arrogance and ego - which prevents them from making meaningful connections, learning new things, and growing as a person.
Yet your friend is filled with humility and empathy - which empowers them to meet and connect with new people, overcome challenges and mistakes, and become their best version.
Think about this - in the grand scheme of things - we are all just tiny specks living in a fraction of the universe’s existence.
Sure - you may be smart and successful - but there have been and will be people who are smarter and more successful than you.
Life is also unpredictable - a freak incident like a car accident on the way to work or a shooting while at the grocery store could happen - and that could be the end of your life.
But here's the thing - despite our differences in experience and perspective - we all share a common humanity.
We all experience joy, pain, and everything in between.
When we have humility and an open mind - we can create genuine connections and cultivate a positive impact on the world.
Remember - ego is the enemy - as it hinders empathy, growth mindset, and mental resilience.
2. Succeed Through Sacrifice
The most successful people are those who prioritize giving and sacrificing for others.
You won’t always have the best professor or colleagues at your job - but you can always control your effort and your ability to help others.
Early in my undergraduate years - I was often selfish and craved recognition for my hard work on group projects. I realized this approach was self-centered and didn't contribute any value to my work or relationships with others.
It wasn’t until I shifted my focus from personal success to the growth and learning of my teammates that I found genuine satisfaction and success.
The result - our group work got better, our bonds grew stronger, and the process became much more enjoyable.
When I didn't try to get recognition - is when I got the most recognition from peers, professors, and recruiters.
When you focus on helping a team and its members be successful - personal success will come effortlessly.
3. The Power of NO: 80/20 Rule
I thought going 100% at everything was how to be successful - saying yes to everything, doing as many things as possible, and never stopping to take a break.
This result?
Burnout
Frustration
Health and relationship problems
Lower-quality work
I knew I couldn't keep living like this - something needed to change.
Then one day in class - my professor introduced me to a theory - Pareto's Principle.
Pareto’s principle - also known as the “80/20 rule” - states that in many situations, roughly 80% of the output comes from 20% of the input.
In a business context - 20% of a company’s products produce 80% of its revenue.
In a health context - 20% of your habits generate 80% of your physical and mental health.
In a productivity context - 20% of your work creates 80% of your results.
A lightbulb exploded in my head - this was exactly what I needed.
I thought I needed to keep doing more - when actually I needed to do the opposite.
I needed to gain clarity on what activities provided me the most leverage - the activities that produced the highest output per unit of input.
So - I asked myself (something you should also ask yourself) - "What activities produce the most benefits and results per hour of my time?"
I realized that only 5 activities - school, work, reading/writing, exercising, and building relationships with friends - accounted for 80% of my health, wealth, and happiness.
Since these 5 activities produced 80% of my results - I allocated 80% of my time to become better at these things. In my head, the thought process was simple:
If these activities provide the most bang for my buck...
and I get better at these activities...
I can get more and better results across all areas of my life without needing to work longer.
Sounds like a dream to me.
For everything else in my life - if it took more than 20% of my time - then it was an automatic no.
Saying no to things that aren't important is EXTREMELY important. This will help you effectively manage your time and energy so you can say yes to more things that align with your goals and provide the most fulfillment.
Remember: If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well.
4. Detachment: X-Ray Goggles for a Clearer Perspective
Picture this:
There is an awesome guy named Jack - he's intelligent, handsome, motivated, and respectful.
Then you have Jack's girlfriend - she's uneducated, lazy, and disrespectful to him and others.
One day - Jack's girlfriend decides to dump him for another guy.
And Jack becomes a wreck.
He stops going to the gym. He starts drinking and partying more. He sleeps through class and his grades suffer. He begins to act like a jerk.
From an outsider's perspective - it is obvious that Jack and his ex weren't a good match.
But Jack is trapped in the emotions of the breakup - which prevents him from seeing all the great qualities and things he has.
If Jack can just take a step back from the storm he's in - he will see how great he is and move past the breakup to get back on track.
Or what about your friend who is stressing over college acceptance?
To them, they need to get into [X] University or they'll be devasted.
It feels like their entire world revolves around this one thing.
But when your friend detaches from the situation - they realize that no one cares what college they go to.
They realize that the university they go to is not as significant as it seems - which helps them calm down and think more clearly.
Jocko Willink's book "Extreme Ownership" discusses an essential lesson - don't let your emotions cloud your judgment.
When we're in the heat of the moment - it's so easy to get lost in our thoughts and feelings.
But the truth is - most things are insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
Detaching yourself from your current situation is like putting on a pair of X-ray goggles - it allows you to see beyond immediate emotions and chaos.
Detachment helps you change your perspective on a situation to make a clear decision that is free of any emotion.
Next time you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders - take a step back, a deep breath - and put on those X-ray goggles.
The biggest game-changer is a often change in perspective.
5. “Those who know don’t talk. Those who talk don’t know.” - Lao Tzu (from Tao Te Ching)
The smartest people are open-minded in every interaction to absorb new insights and continue learning.
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where you’re not learning anything new because you're talking more than listening?
A common mistake many of us make is constantly talking or thinking about what we are going to say next. This inhibits our ability to completely listen and understand the other person.
Fortunately, I've picked up three simple techniques from "Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss (amazing read – do check it out). These methods will enhance your learning and make your conversations more enjoyable.
1. Mirroring - repeating the last few or most important words the other person said to show you're listening and engaged in the conversation. This can also help clarify any misunderstandings or confusion.
Example:
Friend: "Ugh, I'm so frustrated."
Me: "Frustrated?"
Friend: "Yeah, a big project I've been working super hard on got delayed because... "
2. Labeling - acknowledging the other person’s emotions and feelings. Phrases like “it seems/sounds/looks like,” are excellent at doing this to better connect and understand the other person’s perspective.
Example:
Friend: "You'll never believe what happened today! I aced my Physics exam that I thought I failed, got selected to speak at an upcoming event for the college, and got free pizza!"
Me: "Dang, that is awesome! It sounds like you had a fantastic day."
Friend: "It definitely was. I'm also super excited since... "
3. Paraphrasing: combining mirroring + labeling to summarize - in your own words - the other person's words and emotions. This is the best way to understand the conversation, the other person's perspective, and their goals.
Example:
Friend: "I hate my boss! He is always getting on me and managing the smallest things I do, but he never gets on anyone else."
Me: "It sounds like you're frustrated with your boss because he's been micro-managing you. Since this issue seems like it's been recurring, have you tried talking to him about it?"
Friend: "I talked to him about this issue a few months ago. Things got better for a little while but..."
Many people think listening is a passive activity where you nod your head until it's your turn to talk again. If done properly, listening is one of the most ACTIVE things you can do and one of the most ESSENTIAL skills for success.
People who constantly feel the need to voice their opinions, prove they are right, or display their intelligence are often the most insecure and foolish.
To emphasize the importance of listening, here are two powerful quotes from brilliant minds:
“You can make more friends in two months by being genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you.” - Dale Carnegie from “How to Win Friends and Influence People”
“Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools, (speak) because they have to say something.” - Plato
CHALLENGE: Make a game out of asking questions and listening more than you speak. It will surprise you how much your relationships will improve and how much you will learn. People will also be more interested in what you have to say because you will be more articulate when you do speak.
6. Managing Work is Easy; Managing People is Hard
I quickly learned that delegating tasks and work was super easy.
Yet a challenging, but critical component of leadership is making sure everyone feels valued and respected.
In the teams I led, I prioritized three key elements: airspace, psychological safety, and buy-in.
Airspace - giving all members equal opportunities to share their ideas and perspectives. Open communication provides airspace to promote collaboration and inclusivity.
Psychological safety - creating a trustworthy and supportive environment so members can express their opinions, ideas, and mistakes without fear. Psychological safety fosters a culture of risk-taking and decision-making that boosts team success.
Buy-in - ensuring each member understands how their work influences the team's success and vision. Buy-in is essential so members feel inspired and passionate about their work.
Airspace, psychological safety, and buy-in help members feel valued, respected, and invested in the team to optimize performance.
7. Inversion: Don’t Focus on Your Wants - Focus on What You Don’t Want
We all want good grades.
We all want a high-paying job we enjoy.
We all want a rocking body.
We all want to fall in love.
We all want success - money, health, status, freedom - whatever your definition of success is.
We all want these things - because it's easy to want these things.
But our desire for success doesn't do or teach us much.
This is where the power of inversion and avoiding failure - rather than chasing success - is critical.
Instead of wishing for the above successes - invert them.
Instead of wishing for good grades, ask yourself, "What would I do if I wanted to get poor grades?"
Don't complete my work or submit it on time
Don't attend class
Don't ask questions or attend tutoring when confused
Don't maintain an open mind to continue learning
Instead of wishing for a high-paying job, ask yourself, "What would I do if I wanted to be an unattractive job candidate?"
Don't be prompt and professional in my communication
Don't dress professionally for an interview
Don't maintain my composure during an interview
Don't be respectful
Instead of wishing for a rocking body, ask yourself, "What would I do if I wanted to be lazy and out-of-shape?"
Don't exercise consistently or at all
Don't eat enough protein or drink enough water
Don't sleep enough
Don't have a plan for my workouts and recovery
Instead of wishing for a romantic relationship, ask yourself, "What would I do if I wanted to be a poor partner?"
Don't listen to or respect my partner
Don't trust my partner
Don't maintain open communication about each of our desires
Don't continue to help each other grow individually and collectively
Once you have determined how you would achieve the inversion of your goals (like the bullets above) - do everything in your power to avoid them.
"Great thinkers, icons, and innovators think forward and backward. Occasionally, they drive their brain in reverse." - James Clear
Think of your brain as a car.
One of the many reasons a car is so useful is because it can go forward and backward.
Your brain is the same way.
When you only think about success - you limit your brain to a car that can only drive forward (good luck getting out of a parking lot).
Yet when you also think about failure - you expand your brain to a car that can go both forward and backward.
One of the reasons inversion works so well is because it's ingrained in our human psychology.
Loss aversion is a cognitive bias that describes how the pain from a loss or failure is far greater than the pleasure of achieving something of equal gain.
We are far more motivated to do things to avoid pain than we are to gain pleasure.
Next time you face a problem or want to achieve a goal - write what you would do to not overcome the problem or achieve the goal to trigger loss aversion.
8. Goals are Overrated
Goals are great to help pick your trail - but if you don’t love hiking - you’ll never summit the mountain.
If you have a goal to lose 50 pounds - you can do it - but good luck keeping the weight off if you don't like exercising or eating healthy.
Also - once you reach your goal - what else do you have to work for?
What will motivate you?
Whatever you decide to do in life - you MUST love the process.
Learn to love the challenge of lifting weights - rather than just trying to have a nice body to get girls.
Learn to love learning and studying - rather than just trying to get good grades.
Learn to love meeting others and having better connections - rather than just trying to get into a relationship.
If I had to pick one lesson that has benefitted me the most - it is this one.
Everyone wants the quick fix to help them lose weight, become more intelligent, or get their dream partner.
We see this all the time on social media:
"2 weeks to rock hard abs!"
"Boost your IQ by 30 points with this 3-day program!"
"Transform your dating life in 7 days!"
Social media and technology make it seem like everything must happen quickly and generate immediate results - or else it’s a waste of time.
Yet - this couldn’t be further from the truth.
The truth is - anything that is worth doing (which is worth doing well, as discussed in lesson 3 with Pareto’s principle) - will take a LONG time to become good at.
One of the greatest skills you can master is consistency.
Learn to show up every day - regardless of how you feel or what is going on - and work on your craft.
Love the journey - slow things down - and be patient.
Don’t just think about where you want to be in a month or year. Think about where you want to be in five, ten, even fifteen years.
By delaying gratification and staying committed to your vision - you will be successful in whatever you pursue if you do the work.
9. YOU Set the Standard
Last but certainly not least - YOU are in control of your life.
No one is going to point a gun at your head if you don’t go for a run.
No one is going to punish you if you decide to eat a Big Mac instead of a healthy, nutrient-dense meal.
The actions you take don't just affect you - but also those around you.
You are the product of the five people you spend the most time with.
If the people you spend the most time with are fat, lazy, and have poor habits - those qualities will be pushed onto you.
But - if you surround yourself with people who are healthy, motivated, and intelligent - then you all will compete against each other to raise the standard because no one wants to be the weak link.
You must be accountable for everything in your control.
After all - the most important promise you'll ever make - is the one you make to yourself.
So...
What kind of standard will YOU set?
Thank you so much for reading! I’d love to hear your thoughts and which lesson was your favorite. If you got some value from this - be sure to stay tuned for future content.
Until next time - stay blessed.
Maximillian
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