“It is not in our control to have everything turn out exactly as we want, but it is in our control to control how we respond to what happens." - Epictetus
Stoicism is an ancient Greek philosophy established in 300 B.C.E - and it remains extremely relevant and beneficial even after 2000+ years.
One core stoic principle is known as the “Dichotomy of Control” - coined by the great philosopher Epictetus.
What is the Dichotomy of Control?
The dichotomy of control is the concept that everything can be divided into one of two categories:
Category 1: things outside your control
Other people’s thoughts, values, attitudes, actions, and effort
The weather
The economy
Circumstances you were dealt (perhaps an abusive parent, a poor environment, etc.)
Traffic
Politics
The past
Death
Etc.
Category 2: things within your control
Your thoughts
Your values
Your attitudes/perspectives
Your actions
Your effort
Etc.
Attempting to control things beyond your control (category 1 things) often leads to anger, depression, and anxiety.
Many people waste valuable time and energy on things outside their control to avoid taking responsibility for things within their control.
We see this more and more in society today.
"I'm not rich because the economy sucks."
"Our politicians are a bunch of idiots who don't know anything."
"I'm always late because traffic is terrible."
The people who complain and worry about category 1 things the most are usually the people who eat fast food, quit their New Year's gym resolution 2 weeks into the year, and spend their free time watching porn or playing video games.
These types of people are the worst because they are like leeches who enjoy draining others of energy.
“The more you seek to control external events, the less control you will have over your own life.” - Epictetus
Dichotomy of Control Examples
Several examples show the tug-of-war between control and uncertainty in our daily lives.
We all know that consistent exercise and a balanced diet reduce the risk of certain diseases.
Yet - even with our best efforts - we still face the possibility of developing a chronic illness like cancer.
Being consistent and working hard at our job can foster positive relationships with our bosses and colleagues.
We can do everything in our power to get that promotion - but the truth is - it is not a guarantee.
Despite our dedication - circumstances and factors beyond our control can prevent us from achieving that next step up the ladder.
Let's not forget about those moments when we meticulously plan an event or task - and it goes nothing as we envisioned.
An accident on the highway creates a horrible traffic jam - making you late for work.
Weather delayed your flight - causing you to miss your connection and have to spend the night in the airport.
You got food poisoning or sick at the beginning of a vacation - causing you to miss most of the events you hoped for.
These examples highlight some of the unpredictable and uncontrollable elements of life.
But - that does not mean that we should be passive and let life do to us as we please.
Rather - it means we should increase our focus and dedication to things we have complete control over like our mind and body.
Suffering Twice: Stop Worrying
“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” - Seneca
Let’s say you are a university student and you have a big exam coming up.
You study and prepare for the exam - yet when you sit down to take it - you realize the exam is much harder than you expected.
After the exam - you start worrying about how you performed.
You begin asking your colleagues what answers they got for certain questions - and you only feel more stressed when you discover you didn’t get any of the same answers as your colleagues.
You continue to worry about the results - and it even begins affecting your attitude in other classes.
When you finally get your results - you discover that you performed well and you finally stop worrying.
“A man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.” - Seneca
Did worrying about your exam results provide any benefit?
No - it resulted in unnecessary stress and anxiety.
But what if you had performed horribly on the exam?
Worrying beforehand still wouldn’t have provided any benefit.
In fact - worrying before you got your results would have made you suffer twice - once in your imagination - and once in reality after you received your score.
The below flowchart summarizes how we can approach different events and problems to relieve stress and prompt beneficial actions.
Reframe Your Perspective
“If any external thing causes you distress, it is not the thing itself that troubles you, but your own judgment about it.” - Marcus Aurelius
Has something ever happened that you initially thought was bad - but later realized was good?
Most things are not entirely “good” or “bad” - what matters most is the perspective we adopt toward different events or situations.
Breakup
Imagine you just went through a breakup with a long-term partner.
You’re devasted by this breakup - and you feel like your entire world is collapsing.
You view this breakup as “bad” because you are now heartbroken, alone, and depressed.
Yet when you take a step back - you realize the breakup isn’t as bad as you thought.
You recognize certain bad habits you’ve developed - excessive partying, lack of exercise, losing your temper - originated during your relationship with your ex.
You now see the breakup was good for you in some ways - and it prompts you to eliminate some of your poor habits.
Rainy Day
We all love sunny, clear-sky days - but then there are those days with pouring rain or hurricane-like conditions.
Instead of complaining about the poor weather or feeling like a victim with thoughts like “why is the weather always so bad when I try to do something” - you can maintain a calm demeanor with a joke like “good thing I don’t need to run the sprinklers now,” or “at least I didn’t get sunburned today.”
You can also think about how the grass and trees will get the necessary water to grow, stay healthy, and produce oxygen.
Success
Many people view success as “good” and failure as “bad.”
They think “I achieved my goal, so I did well,” or “I didn’t achieve my goal, so I suck.”
Stoics have a different definition of success.
Stoics define success by the process - not by the outcome.
If you gave your best effort to achieve a goal - that is viewed as a success by the Stoics.
The Story of the Archer
A story about an archer is commonly used to illustrate how the Stoics view success.
The archer has trained relentlessly to prepare for a hunt.
He has practiced his drawback, aim, and release thousands of times during training.
It is now time for the archer to hunt.
With his gear and skills - he moves stealthily throughout the forest like a ninja - trying not to scare off any nearby animals.
Suddenly - the archer spots a deer.
He gets into a solid position, pulls out an arrow from his bag, loads it in the bow, calculates his aim, draws the arrow back, and finally - releases.
The archer could have done everything exactly as he had practiced thousands of times - but as soon as the arrow leaves his finger - he has no control over whether he hits the deer.
A wind gust could blow his arrow off course.
The deer might get startled by a nearby animal - causing it to move.
A bird or squirrel could move in front of the deer and get hit instead.
Since the archer has no control over any of these events - why should he define success based on whether he hits the deer?
Reframing your perspective on things like breakups, rainy days, and success will help you develop equanimity to live with more happiness and confidence.
It will also increase your mental clarity and decision-making - as it will be easier to remove emotions that may hinder your judgment.
How YOU Can Apply the Dichotomy of Control
The dichotomy of control is a concept that everyone can implement and benefit from - regardless of their knowledge of stoicism.
It helps with problem-solving, staying calm, and fostering a growth mindset by shifting your focus from external to internal aspects.
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts. Take control of what you think about.” - Marcus Aurelius
The stoics weren’t just thinkers - they were doers. Here are a few ways you can apply the dichotomy of control in your life.
Dichotomy of Control Categorization (T-Chart)
Think about a recently stressful or a troubling upcoming situation. Start with a small event that isn’t too painful or overwhelming.
With your phone or a blank piece of paper - begin describing what about the situation is bothering you.
Beneath your description of the event (or on a new sheet of paper) - create two columns separated by a line (t-chart). Label the columns “Entirely within my control” and “Not entirely within my control.”
Begin classifying the different elements of the situation into their relevant column. If you think an element of the situation is partially within your control - break it down further until you can classify it into one of the columns.
When you finish - you will see that things like your thoughts, actions, effort, and attitude make up most of the “entirely within my control” column.
Focus on improving these aspects - and don't worry about the aspects in the other column.
Example
“I have an upcoming presentation for one of my university classes. I’m afraid I will present poorly, which will negatively affect my grade on the presentation and in the class.”
Entirely within my control | Not entirely within my control |
Practicing my speaking part and reviewing my material to the best of my ability | Technical difficulties that may affect the flow of my presentation |
Dressing professionally | What questions the audience will ask me |
Maintaining a smile and eye contact while I speak to convey a positive and enthusiastic attitude | Whether the audience is equally as positive and enthusiastic |
The time I leave my house | The time I arrive for my presentation - there could be an accident or another delay |
Viewing the presentation as a valuable learning tool for future presentations and jobs | The grade I receive on the presentation |
Journal
The Stoics are big into journaling.
Journaling enhances self-awareness of your actions, thoughts, and emotions.
The more you journal and reflect - the easier it will be to categorize things in versus out of your control in real-time situations.
Some journaling questions you can ask yourself include:
What did I do well today?
What could I have done better today?
Did my emotions get the best of me in any situation today?
How could I have better handled [x] situation?
Which of my values were most on display today?
How will I better myself tomorrow?
Meditation
Knowing how to silence external influences and be present is a modern-day superpower.
Meditation strengthens both these skills.
Apps like Headspace, Balance, and Calm provide guided meditations to help you achieve specific goals.
If you don’t want to subscribe to any app - you can find guided meditations on YouTube or simply close your eyes and think for a set time.
“The things you really need are always within your control.” - Seneca
There are many things in life that we can’t control - nor should we try.
Shit happens - sometimes it’s good shit - sometimes it’s bad shit.
Despite the kind of shit thrown at us - we always control our response.
Focus on controlling the things you can control - and the rest will take care of itself.
To handling your shit,
Maximillian
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